“No” Permission


There was a moment around December 22nd where I said, “I really just don’t want to go out and drink anymore.”

IMG_6107Maybe it is a sign of getting older. I dearly hope it isn’t some idea of “maturity.” I just really, really had enough. Enough food. Enough people. Enough — dare I say it — beer. The good times were great, don’t get me wrong, but I had my fill.

There is so much pressure to enjoy while the enjoyment is there to be had. Go out because you’re in the city. Hit this party and hang with those people and engage with the cheer and revelry while it is there to be had.

Are you really enjoying it though?

It is ok to say “no.”

We might forget or scoff at the childhood messages to resist peer-pressure but we shouldn’t. The self-permission to say “no,” is as important in our later years — if not more so because our own voice of “should” is louder and stronger than ever. “Oh I should have drinks with her…” or “Oh I really should go to that thing…” or “It is Fat Girl Friday, I should indulge while I can…”

Do you want to? Is it intentional enjoyment or an obligation to enjoy?

In December I started saying “no.” I gave myself permission to not have that beer and enjoy a nice glass of water. It sounds really funny to say, but if felt wonderful. And through New Years and a trip to Mexico I didn’t force myself to try and have fun.

I didn’t create edicts to indulge, nor try to maximize or manage my vacation… I gave myself permission to say “no.”

And it felt good.

Saying “No.” was freeing.

I wasn’t just saying “no,” I was saying yes to my real desires and “yes” to real happiness.

Instead of forcing yourself into fakery, try to give yourself permission to say “no.”

Or, more aptly, say “enough.”

My word for 2014 is: Basta.

It means “enough” in Italian. Common to parents and kids everywhere, “basta!” is my call out to my inner gremlin voices: “Enough!” It is also a reminder that I am enough. I am doing enough. What I have is enough. And when my heart says enough, it is ok to say “no.”

Do you give yourself permission to not indulge when you don’t feel like it? What have you said “no” to that ended up feeling very much like a yes?

We have also been saying “no” to writing and posting of late, each working on our own projects elsewhere. Sorry about that. We are back and expect more to come more consistently. Happy New Year!

No comment posted yet.

Leave a Comment